Post-anger
- 2008-03-23
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This morning (or really later this morning I should say), I’m not feeling angry any more. It’s amazing what a good night’s rest can do for that. However, I’m still feeling anti-social and generally dissatisfied. The line cutting just seemed to strike a nerve which unleashed other frustrations I’ve been thinking about lately.
One Comment
Indulge me for a second when I say this: It seems like you want a consistent flavor, character, and substance to your interactions with others. I have noticed, however, that even among the closest of freinds, there are off days (periods, months, years, even).
[Now, you might feel like you're having rather more of these then not, and more with casual acquaintances, than not. It isn't uncommon for guys our age to start constricting a bit when it comes to social interaction. We stay closer to the ones we know, we take longer to meet new people.]
I conclude that guys (especially guys like us, who enjoy relative privelege - and hence, relative preoccupation with relationsips) have been taught as much about the ‘look and feel’ aspects of gay social life from advertising and other messaging forums as we have about what is desireable in another man. Primarily, I think it’s that we’re supposed to be these ‘pack animals’.
We’re (collectively) looking for the six-pack, chiseled visage, worldly, open-minded, similarly monied, blah, blah, blah sorta guy. And we’re expecting meaningful, witty, playful, totally connected social situations where interactions are fresh and glossy, and that complement this seemingly equitable world-view we have about where we should fit, and how we should relate to others.
My personal truth is that a lot of social interaction is (beneficially) self-serving and best approached with a cherry-picking attitude, at least sometimes. Be sociable, be a good friend, but *do* recognize that we’re playing a part and contributing to a memetic phenomenon in gay men’s lives. As such, it’s never as fulfilling, neat, ideal, even very good - as we might hope.
Gotta work.