decidedlyodd

I haven’t been going out a whole lot since I moved to Seattle, but when I have, it’s always been on the weekend. Tonight I had a nice social evening on a Thursday night. I got into work at a fairly decent hour and was very focused on my tasks all day. I’ve noticed I tend to work better when I have several things to be donig at the same time. So while I was working on my feature, I was also working on checking in some fixes I originally did last week and trying to get to the bottom of this one bug from yesterday that is specific to Mongolian and Word. Keenan (peer mentor), Thomas (UNC alum) and I had lunch today too. It was nice to see Thomas again and nice to mix up who I eat lunch with.

After work, Keenan and I went back into the city to check out this gay Starbucks thing at Purr. We didn’t get there until towards the end of the official time, but the place was quite hopping. As usual, I felt very out of place, surrounded by people who all knew a few people there while I knew nobody except Keenan. Fortunately, Keenan knew several people and introduced me, which was helpful. Still, I tend to feel very self-conscious in such situations.

First, I realize how utterly horrible my fashion sense is compared to most gay men which makes me feel like I don’t fit in and am being negatively judged. I know I’m probably unrealistically paranoid about such things and should just get over it, but it’s hard. Years ago, I knew I dressed in a cheap and dissheveled manner but I just didn’t care. Over the past few years, I’ve begun to care more and have taken steps to at least dress presentably (clean clothes that fit and are not falling apart, shaving every day) at all times. At the same time I’m opposed to the idea of following fashion trends and especially spending lots of money to do so. That probably comes from my general dislike of shopping for clothes or shoes or maybe it’s the other way around. Hence, I don’t like how I dress, but won’t do anything about it. That’s an internal conflict that I suppose I need to work through.

Second, I get skittish about eye contact. Generally, I like to look and see who’s around when I’m out in public, but in this kind of situation, I see other guys doing it to me too. It weirds me out slightly when I see people looking in my direction (not that there are usually so many of them) and then both of us avert our glances. In the same vein, I’ll talk with other guys and have serious difficulty maintaining eye contact. For some reason, I feel this urge (which I act on) to constantly look away. Perhaps it’s some sort of nervous reaction that gets amplified when I’m in an unfamiliar place with unfamiliar people.

That said, I had a nice time and I’d do it again. I just need to weather the discomfort now, knowing that in the future it won’t bother me nearly as much.

From there, we met up with some of Keenan’s friends for dinner at a nearby restaurant. After some drinks, I ordered food. Although it didn’t taste bad, it didn’t taste all that great either especially considering the price. I think I should have picked something different as everybody else’s food looked a lot better. The waiter was really bitchy to me when I asked where the bathroom was, which pissed me off. Look, I just wanted to know where the bathroom was, not ridiculed because I didn’t notice the large doors off the main dining room with ‘M’ and ‘W’ on them. I probably would have stiffed him on the tip, but he sorta put up with us sitting around for an extended period of time, not ordering food until later, having something like 7 separate checks and just generally being more difficult customers than usual. Still, I had a nice time meeting some new and interesting people. Definitely worth the minor frustrations of the food and wait staff.

From there, we had intended to catch a play. Unfortunately, we were running late and the play started on time. Because it was only an hour long, it was too late and we missed it. Keenan invited us all back to his apartment instead where he assured us he had lots of drinks. When we got there, there were a lot of different kinds of bottles, but nothing to mix them with. The intent was good though and I don’t think anybody had trouble with some simple drinks in a relaxed, non-loud atmosphere.

All in all, a pretty good night, especially for a Thursday.